Sometimes...i be trying to understand

 So that last blog was a lie

I can have a relationship

I am particular. I have plenty of men wondering about me and asking me out and falling in love...just like every other single person..not the one I want

I am crushing but my crush is too scared of my black woman-ness to crush back (thats white guys 4 ya)

I am loving but the one I love is old news. Forgotten poetry under broken limbs of cupid...fuck cupid

But this is life

...however after late night inebriated text of damn nears "i still love you"s and "i still miss you"s and "we should have tried harder" replies (from him)...i get a text reminding me that I really don't know how to read between the lines. They say guys are straight forward...so I shall call him The Crooked Beast. I mean, he could be as confused as me. We only 22...so we stay confused. Plus he is not at an optimum point of life right now. He could be using me to boost his self-esteem ("if a woman this great is still in love with me..i must be doing something right") So maybe i'm just a ladder so he can get up on his high horse again. Maybe he just wants us to be friends. Obviously I am not ready for that. I need to keep it peace-full though.

I hate this...love him...love myself more and peace forever...so i'll keep movin on.

It is blue birds even tho its night time
kinda memories
It is soft touch and giggle
just playing
It is gratitude and I got you
heart breaking
It is never giving in
and ever changing
It is truthfully you
and never we
Maybe I'll always feel this way
But thank you for setting me free